don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
