Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
