'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
