I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
