So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
