i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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