onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
