Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
