census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
