I CAN MOONWALK!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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