either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
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