i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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