That's intense
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
