i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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