Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
