idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
