so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So squirting runs in the family.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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