There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
