Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
