too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
