I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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