im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
