She said her name was "party"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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