Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
