I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
