just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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