my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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