my mouth tastes like poor choices
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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