I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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