Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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