We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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