For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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