i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize