Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
