And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
