i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
