Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
