Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
