I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
