Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
