Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
