I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize