Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
