i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize