??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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