see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
