The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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