Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
