There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
