So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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