thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
