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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
