Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love accidental penises.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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