Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
