he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
