Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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