I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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