Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
