i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
