Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
