I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
