the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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