Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
