We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
