I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
