Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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