is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
