Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
