You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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