We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize