chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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