I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
