So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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