Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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