My nipple is on Facebook.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
