a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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