Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
