I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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