I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
