After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
