Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
