I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
