This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
