I cannot find my penis.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
