You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
