After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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