I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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