Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
