3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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