and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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