Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
