Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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