Duck Duck Cougar?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize