Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
