just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
