First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
