The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
