my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
