did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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