4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
