Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
