well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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