that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
