Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You don't make any sense
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