..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
