My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
